Words, Words, Words

In this humorous and classic movie, a blunder in communication occurs which creates a rather awkward – but highly humorous – conversation.

“Today you want one, tomorrow you may want two.”

“Two?! Well what would I do with two?”

“The same as you do with one.”

Oh dear.

We can laugh at such a miscommunication when it is in the movies, but when we don’t communicate well in real life, the effects can be less than humorous.

The book of James contains the well-known warning about the tongue and its potential dangers. We know in our heads that we need to season our speech with grace and that we will be held accountable for every word that leaves our mouth, but do we really understand the ultimate goal and the godly way to communicate with one another?

We are called to encourage one another, to counsel one another, to exhort one another, to commune with one another. This requires talking and talking requires that we think and evaluate how, when, and what to speak.

In regards to the how of communication, it is important to keep in mind that our goal should be to share ideas and values – to talk to not past one another. It has been said that “two monologues do not make a dialogue”.

Two people talking – who are both merely airing their opinions but are not actually listening to one another or trying to understand the other person’s heart – is the not the same as two people communicating.

Sydney Harris said it well when he said, “The two words information and communication are often used interchangeably, but they signify quite different things. Information is giving out; communication is getting through.”

Good communication, as a rule of thumb, almost always involves more listening than talking. If people would listen intently before speaking, the likelihood is that miscommunications would become less frequent.

Being slow to speak and quick to listen will enable you to better grasp the heart of the the other person’s speech so that you do not jump all over them or miss the point they were trying to make.

In regards to the when of communication, it is important to remember that “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.” (Proverbs 25:11)

Timely advice, criticism, encouragement, agreement, etc. is vital to preserving good communication. A word spoken out of turn or at the wrong time, though it may be a true word, will not accomplish anything positive.

For example, just because it is true that owls, foxes, and hawks eat bunnies doesn’t mean that it is a good idea for older brother to inform little sister of this fact right after she discovers that her bunny has gotten loose and she can’t seem to find it.

In regards to the what of communication, we must always be evaluating whether the content of our speech is edifying, enlightening, or just plain unnecessary.

That does not mean that fun, humorous banter is ungodly. Quite the contrary. If one only talks about serious and deep subject matter, one’s communication is not balanced. On the other hand, if one seems to be incapable of talking about anything beyond the superficial level, this is also unbalanced.

“Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.” – Plato. Make sure that your speech is not only kind and clean but that it is also balanced and necessary.

While it is important to keep a rein on the tongue, do not let this keep you from having many meaningful conversations. I love the quote by Anne Morrow Lindbergh in which she says: “Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.”

There have been several conversations I have had in the past few years which have strengthened, encouraged and inspired me to seek after Christ more diligently because other people were willing to practice good communication with me.

The key word here is practice. Keeping quiet to avoid error is not always the best approach. Saying whatever comes to mind when it happens to come to your mind is not the best approach either. Practice listening, thinking about your words, and speaking with purpose.

The book of Hebrews says that “solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil.” (Hebrews 5:14, emphasis mine).

We can learn good communication through practice and through giving one another grace as we practice.

There will be times when we just need to talk to someone and we will take up 80% or more of the conversation. That is O.K.
There will be times when we will want to talk but someone needs us to just listen. That is O.K.
There will be times when we will want to keep quiet but the situation demands that we speak. That is O.K.

Good communication, like everything else in the Christian walk, is about balance.

We must learn to balance talking with listening, encouragement with rebuke, gentleness with firmness, sympathy with exhortation, and joking with seriousness. Our tongues are indeed a powerful weapon which can be used to glorify God and uplift the brethren; therefore, we should be seeking to communicate with grace, with truth, and in love.

“Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.” – Ephesians 4:29